I Think It's Going to Rain Today
by PaulsenKay
Summary: Two years ago, she'd be going through this by herself, with a bottle of wine. Old habits die hard. Post 9x10, Donna and Harvey are closing in on their first year in Seattle and things haven't turned out exactly as they planned.
1. Chapter 1

It was 5:00, and the sky was grey. Donna was curled up on the living room couch, wine in one hand and a book in the other, but she'd been on the same page for ten minutes. She'd been staring out the window, mostly, at the clouds that persisted and the rain droplets that were dripping down the glass. It was a little thing, really- the weather- and if she put it in perspective, she'd never before had a job where she was home by 5:00. Still, her heart felt heavy.

Keys turning in the lock snapped her back to reality, and she turned back to her book as Harvey walked in, setting his keys on the table.

"Hey." He kissed her as he walked behind the couch, taking off his coat and hanging it up.

She had left the clinic at 4, her work finished for the day, but Harvey and Mike stayed behind to finish closing their latest case. The concept of flexible work hours and early summer Fridays was foreign to her. She had spent so long practically living at her office, dragging herself home long after it got dark to turn around and do it all again the next day.

The Seattle clinic moved slower. They weren't dealing with corporate billionaires and investment bankers. The employees valued a work-life balance and for Donna, that was something she'd never experienced before. They'd been here almost ten months, and in the beginning, it was exciting. Decorating a new apartment that was truly _theirs_, seeing their best friends at work every day. She'd desperately missed wine nights with Rachel, but as the months went on, they became less and less frequent. Rachel was in charge of the associates at the clinic, and it took up much of her day. Mike and Harvey were usually working as a team, and Donna would watch them walking up and down the hallway, almost always joking around, through the glass walls of her office.

"How did the meeting go?"

"It's all wrapped up. The family was very happy with the offer we got."

"Good."

He paused midway through taking off his shoes. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She pushed her hair behind her ear, closing her book, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you just seem…quiet."

"I said I'm fine, Harvey." It came out more biting than she intended, and the tight feeling in her chest got a little worse.

He looked at her for a second, weighing whether to push back, and instead opted for the bottle of Macallan on the cart next to him.

"So how was your day?"

He was trying, she knew.

"It was fine."

"That seems to be a popular adjective with you tonight."

"Well, every day is the same, so there's nothing new to report."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Forget I said anything."

"Donna, what is going on with you?"

She stood from the couch, setting her glass on the table. "Nothing, Harvey. I'm fine. I just need some fresh air. I'm going for a walk."

She grasped at her keys, fumbling to get her coat on. "Are you sure? Donna, it's still-" the door clicked behind her, leaving him in an empty room. "-Raining."

_What the hell was that about?_

XXX

He waited for twenty-nine minutes. When it hit thirty, he set down his glass and stood to put on his coat. _That's enough_, he thought, _I'm going out there. _ In her hurry, she'd left her phone sitting on the couch, and although he knew she was an adult woman who was perfectly capable of walking outside at 5PM on a weekday, he worried.

It was as he was zipping up his jacket that he heard the jingling of keys. She shuffled inside, dropped her coat, and walked immediately to the kitchen.

"Donna, what the hell is going on with you? And don't say nothing, because you just walked out of here with no explanation and now I'm supposed to act like everything's fine?"

"I just needed a few minutes, Harvey."

"For what? To get away from me?"

She looked him in the eye for the first time all night, seeing the obvious hurt in his eyes.

"Of course not."

"Then what? What else am I supposed to think when you've barely talked to me all week and you won't tell me what's wrong? Do you…"

"Do I what?"

His voice got low and quiet. "Do you regret getting married?"

She placed her hands on the kitchen counter, steadying herself as the panic started rising again.

"Harvey." A lump started forming in her throat and she hated that she'd made him feel this way. "I would never regret that. I've never had a single second thought about you."

"Well you're clearly having that thought about something, because this isn't like you. I thought we were past this, Donna. We don't push each other away anymore. And if you won't tell me what's going on with you, then how the hell am I supposed to fix it?"

"I'm not asking you to fix it!"

"Fine. Tell me, don't tell me, I'm not going to beg you to talk to me."

He turned around, walking back out towards the living room, and she was reminded of all the times he'd walked away from her, leaving her standing alone. But that was then, before everything changed. They were married now. And though she trusted him completely, she still wasn't used to this. Two years ago, she'd be going through this by herself, with a bottle of wine. Old habits die hard.

_I can never go back to the way I was before_.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like I'm…stuck. Spinning my wheels."

He turned around and walked back to the counter, his eyes coming to meet hers. "Okay. What does that mean?"

"At work, I just…don't feel like anything I'm doing matters. They could train anyone to do my job and pay them less, and it feels like I was just handed a favor."

"Donna, that's not true."

"I didn't even get promoted to COO on my own. I needed you to give me the job."

"I gave you that job because you deserved it."

"But compared to any other applicant out there, I wouldn't have even been given a chance by resume alone, would I?"

He swallowed slowly. "I guess not, but Donna, you know you were amazing at that job. The firm wouldn't have survived without you."

"I want to be doing something I accomplished on my own. Something you didn't need to give me." She sighed. "You and Mike are so happy working together and doing a job you're meant to do and I'm so happy that you're happy, but…I want something more."

He looked down at the floor, frowning. "You've told me that one before."

She realized how it sounded as soon as it came out, and she grasped for his hand across the counter. "Harvey, let me be clear. Being with you has never been a question. Not for a minute. I've loved you forever and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon."

He never tired of that. Hearing her say she loved him. You'd think after all this time, he would be used to it, but it still calmed him to hear it, every time.

"I never thought I'd have you in this way, that I would get to be married to you. And now that I have that, maybe I just want to get to have you as my husband and find something else to do. Something that's more me."

"Then that's what you should do. I just wish you'd told me sooner instead of sitting on this for so long."

"I'll make you a deal. I promise to be better about letting you in when I'm upset about something." She tightened her grip on his hand. "But Harvey, you have to promise that even if we argue, you don't jump to assume that I've got one foot out the door."

She looked him right in the eye, taking one step closer. "I am never leaving you. And I need you to really believe it."

"I know." he said, a smile forming on his lips. "Deal. Now come here."

He pulled her into his arms, and she felt the muscles in her shoulders starting to relax as she melted into him. They stood there for a while- she wasn't sure how long- and listened to the rain hitting the window as the storm picked up. Neither of them were quite ready to let go, and she felt him take a deep breath against her body.

"Can I tell you something?"

His chin was resting on top of her head, and she nodded into his chest.

"I hate Seattle."

He was holding his breath, unsure at first if she'd even heard him. But then she was shaking, and it took him a minute to realize she was laughing.

"Are you kidding me?"

Her laughter took off then, echoing through the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Donna, I should have said something. I really thought I would like it, because we were so excited to be closer to Rachel and Mike, but…I hate it. I hate that it's dark all the time, and you can't order delivery after eleven, and everyone's drinking their fancy coffee-"

"Oh, I miss the coffee cart."

"And I hate driving. I loved being in the car club, don't get me wrong, but driving those cars is an _experience_. Driving here is just sitting in traffic and cursing all the people on the road with you."

"I can't believe this. You look so happy at work, I just thought…I can't believe I missed this."

"I was happy because I thought _you_ were happy, but now that I know you're not…"

They were both laughing then, Donna gripping his forearms to steady herself.

"So…what now?"

"Leaving the firm was the right thing to do, but maybe leaving New York wasn't."

"But what about your job? What will you do if we leave?"

"I'll figure it out. You put me first…forever. Now it's your turn." He paused. "I guess it's a good thing we just rented out my apartment instead of selling it."

"Maybe, if we're making changes anyway…we could get a new place."

He nodded. "That could be nice."

Donna tightened her grip on his arms. "We might want something a little bigger. A brownstone, maybe."

"Sure, whatever you want. You always complained about the closets in my old place, I know you want one just for your shoes-"

"Harvey." She took a shaky breath. "I was thinking extra bedrooms."

"For our kids."

He responded so quickly, so nonchalantly, that it startled her. "I know we never really discussed it, but-"

"I want our kids to grow up in New York."

"I love you, Harvey Specter."

She kissed him then, filled with relief and excitement and a joy she hadn't felt in months. As they broke apart, she kept his hand in hers.

"So," she said, leading him to the living room. "What do we do now?"

"First, we figure out what job you want. And then…" he smiled at her, the big grin that he reserved only for her. "We go home."


	2. Chapter 2

**First, I want to say thank you for such a positive reception to the first part of this story! It was meant to be a one shot, but I was convinced to expand it. I'm excited to delve deeper into Donna's journey with changing careers, and what our favorite couple's life is going to look like. This will likely be in three parts, so there will be at least one more installment to follow down the line. **

_I'm going to be an actress. _

That's what she told Harvey when they first met, and she meant it. That's how she always answered when people asked her what she did- no doubt, no hesitation. And for their first year at the DA's office, she kept her word. Because she was Donna, her secretarial work was done in no time, and Harvey always knew that if she took an 11 AM lunch, she was going to an audition. She learned her lines as she rearranged his calendar. On the weekends, she took the occasional acting class, since she now had a salary to pay for them.

And then months went by. A million auditions, a million rejections. And at work? A million people saying, "how did we survive before you?"

She craved the validation.

It got harder and harder to walk into an audition room, no matter how prepared she was, knowing whether she got the job or not had nothing to do with her. There was no control. No stability. But at Harvey's desk, the paychecks came in every two weeks, on the dot, and she never had to wonder whether she was doing a good enough job- because it was clear that she was.

She couldn't pinpoint one specific day that things shifted, but over time, she stopped telling people she was an actress and instead said, "I work at the District Attorney's office" (and after that, "I work at Gordon, Schmidt, and Van Dyke"). Being a struggling artist wasn't glamorous, and in New York, if you said you were an actress, people would think _yeah, you and everyone else in this bar. _But working at a law firm? They would be impressed. She was treated differently.

She liked feeling important. She liked being indispensable.

So the years went by and little by little, she lost parts of the artist she used to be. She still did her hair and makeup in the morning, stepped into a costume to walk the halls of the firm, and she was able to convince any client to do what was needed. Being Donna The Indispensable, Donna (a Name and a Title All in One), Donna Who Knew Everything- became a role she had honed and crafted within an inch of its life.

_I like the way you operate. Never let them see you sweat. _

In a way, she had always been performing.

"You're up early for a Saturday."

She hadn't noticed Harvey coming into the living room, and she turned to see him holding two cups of coffee. She smiled as he joined her on the couch, setting her cup on the table in front of her.

"Couldn't sleep."

She glanced at the clock- 7:30- but she had gotten out of bed hours ago, opting to pace the living room so she wouldn't wake Harvey up.

"Thinking about what you want to do?"

"Something like that. It's harder than I expected. Having options."

She had gotten so used to the routine she'd found, the work she did, that when presented with the chance to do anything she wanted- she didn't have a clue where to start. After their conversation last night, she hadn't slept well.

He put his coffee mug on the table and opened his arms, wordlessly inviting her in. Things like this still surprised her sometimes. She had programmed herself for over a decade about him, too- seeking Harvey for comfort was off limits, and she was still undoing that in her brain.

"You know," he said, resting his chin above her head, "I never told you what I thought of that play you did."

"Merchant of Venice? That was years ago."

"I know. And I know I told you that I enjoyed it-"

"I believe your words were, 'It was long, but…'"

"Okay, so I'm not a Shakespeare guy, but I enjoyed _you_ in it."

She laughed into his chest. "Fine. I'll take it."

"But I never told you why. You were powerful, but you were vulnerable, too. You had so much strength, but also… sadness. You were playing a character, but I was also seeing you. No games. No bullshit. And I remember thinking that people spend a whole lifetime trying to learn how to do what you did. I just…thought you should know."

She looked up at him, shocked that he even remembered her performance. "Thank you, Harvey."

_What really makes me special is my intuition, and my empathy, and my heart. _

_Everyone wishes they could say the right thing at the right time, and you are the one woman in the universe who says the right thing every time. _

_You could look at it like you chose to give a piece of yourself. _

_You should be a philosopher. _

_And who's to say I'm not?_

What Harvey had found so valuable about working with her wasn't making a calendar or organizing his files, it was her innate ability to understand peoples' needs. And when she and Benjamin made The Donna, it was the right instinct. Take the things that only she seemed to be able to do and make them available to people. But the execution wasn't there. It lacked the thing that made her the most unique- her heart. But maybe there was another way for her to do what the computer couldn't- and she was about to spend some time figuring out what, exactly, that was.

She used to spend her Saturday mornings with a packed schedule. Yoga, shopping, the occasional brunch with Rachel- but most importantly, busy. She operated better without too much free time. Relaxing meant thinking and thinking meant allowing the unhappiness, the unfulfilled feeling that haunted her, to have weight.

Harvey was different. He liked to start his weekends slowly, not plagued with a need for productivity. When they first started dating and waking up together on a weekend, it took time to balance each other out- she got him to take adventures, and he slowed her down when she wound herself too tightly.

Today, she fought the urge to get up and get moving and stayed right where she was, nestled in his arms with his hand drawing circles on her back. Later, they could make plans and lists and think about New York real estate. But this morning, she was sitting in the hope that her answer was coming, and it was okay if it took a while to get there.


End file.
